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What To Do When You Don’t Feel Good Enough

black and white tree symbolising not feeling good enough
bare tree

We all experience times when we don’t feel good enough. It shows up in many ways – in relationships, careers, in not getting what we want for ourselves - and the impact can be big.

When we don’t feel good enough for something, we can ‘self-sabotage’. We can block receiving and get in the way of our success.  While that may sound surprising, our beliefs are powerful shapers of our lives. Because our beliefs are usually unconscious, they override conscious thoughts which means they can drive things if we don’t pay attention and work to change them.

Signs of Not Feeling Good Enough

There are many ways not feeling good enough can show up:

· Putting other's needs ahead of your own 

· Engaging in self-destructive behaviour

· People-pleasing

· Comparing yourself to other people

· Over-giving leading to exhaustion or burnout

· Avoiding going for something you want

·  Not putting effort into something you want to get better at

The good news is that once we become aware of feelings of not being good enough, we can work on increasing our self-worth, self-belief, and feeling good enough. Here’s how:

1.    Take Responsibility

The first thing we need to do is take responsibility. This isn’t about saying it’s your fault, but rather deciding that you have the power to fix it. Taking responsibility is empowering. It doesn’t matter how you got here. What matters is what you want to create for yourself from here. By focusing on how you can feel good enough you can start to create more success and joy in your life.

2.    Bring it Closer

Bringing our beliefs and feelings closer is about becoming aware of what you’re experiencing and feeling. It’s about getting clear on what’s going on. It’s like shining a light on the unconscious and making it conscious, and in this case, the feelings and beliefs of not feeling good enough. When we do this, we are able to choose how we wish to respond, rather than react.

This is often the step we don’t want to do because it is uncomfortable. The brain is wired to avoid pain, and what is more painful than feeling all the feels around not feeling good enough?

While bringing attention to it seems like it will exaggerate these feelings, the opposite happens. This is true as long as you focus on what you feel rather than your thoughts about what you’re feeling.  That means not judging yourself!  We want to acknowledge our feelings rather than deny them. By meeting ourselves where we are at, we can then work out how to create more for ourselves.

3.    Connect to Your Guidance System

Once you have taken responsibility, have acknowledged what’s going on, the next step is to decide how to move forward.

Start by asking yourself the simple question ‘what do I need’? Take time to listen. When we tune in to what we need, the answers can be surprising and varied. By connecting to your wisdom, you get insightful guidance to take you forward.

Remember that the confirmation that it is the right thing only comes after you have tried it. Trying things is important here. What works for you, may not be what works for someone else. The only way to know is to experience it.

Here are some ideas:

·       learn to say no

·       do more positive things for yourself that make you feel good

·       challenge yourself or doing things outside your comfort zone

·       set a new goal

·       positive affirmations

·       identify your core values and start to use them more in your life

·       practice self-compassion

·       follow your passion

·       work with a coach or therapist

It can be hard to tune into our internal guidance at first. If this is hard for you, start by exploring some of the ideas above that resonate with you. Try them and see how they go for you.

Know it’s a Process

Feeling good enough and having more self-belief is a process. Working on it requires effort, commitment and a belief things can be better for you. It also requires knowing that you deserve more.

This takes practice and time. It can be easy to get discouraged when we don’t see the results quickly enough but stay the course. The key is to take steps and focus on improvements and progress. Know that the steps and the benefits will start to build up. You be rewarded for your efforts - the payoff to believing you are good enough is life-changing.

Working with someone who can support you in this process can be helpful. You want to work with someone who believes in you and can help you believe in yourself. Working with someone professional can be a great way to fast-track progress. Sometimes we need the help of someone who can guide us forward. 

Feeling good enough is an inside job. We are all born feeling good enough but things happen along the way in life that impact our self-worth and self-belief. The good news is that we can do something to feel better about ourselves. You are good enough. You really are.

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