A client at the end of her fertility journey and in deep pain asked me a question. She wanted to know how long it would take her to heal. It was a question I couldn’t answer.
Healing is a process. It isn’t linear. There is no instruction manual or step-by-step procedure to follow. There is no one way to heal.
Healing is messy and happens in the discomfort. It happens when you lean into the pain, step into the unknown, and truly surrender to what is. To heal we must embrace the emotions and be willing to be vulnerable. That takes courage and it takes trust. Only the individual themselves can do that.
I told her that the only way out is through.
It starts with a decision. A decision to want more for yourself. Sometimes you’re only ready when all hope feels lost. Sometimes it takes hitting the bottom to decide it’s enough. When you’re there, it can be hard to see that the only way is up.
It helps to have the right support around you, guiding you out. It’s too hard on your own. It also helps to know that it is possible, not just to heal, but to have a life that is happy and full. There is life after infertility.
My client will learn to allow the emotion and honour all of the experiences she has had. Her compassion for herself and all she has experienced will grow. She has experienced a lot - more than she can acknowledge yet. She will see how strong she is and just how much she has loved.
I couldn’t tell my client how long it would take for her to feel better but I could tell her that she would.
She had already taken the biggest step to letting go and moving forward by making the decision. She’s made the commitment to feel better and that is how it starts.
Maybe she will come to a place where she is grateful for her infertility experience and what it has taught her, what it has opened up in her. Maybe not. But she will reach a place of acceptance. With that acceptance will come freedom. It won’t be the life she imagined, but it will be one that holds new potentials and possibilities.
I respect my client and the steps she has taken to heal, to create more for herself. I know the courage and the self-love and the effort it takes. I also know what awaits on the other side. I don’t know how long it will take her, but I do know she is on her way and she is no longer in it alone.
About the Author
Kathryn Grace is a Life Coach at Fertility Potentials. She is passionate about supporting women on their fertility journey and helping them find acceptance and peace whatever the outcome.